Time Apart Diary Day 5: Jesus. Finally!

Saturday, September 7, 2019

I woke up quite refreshed and excited today. Obviously. I took my time getting ready. I made sure all my clothes were laid out on the bed properly and I re-packed my bags. Gogo gave me a suitcase for the trip- because I now have too much to carry. You should know that this is not by any fault of my own, obviously. Gogo came back from Thailand a few weeks ago and has the cutest goodies for us all! So, I needed to carry it all. 🙂

Anyway. I had some tea and chatted to Gogo for a little, then we got everything out of the house and were out of there at 11 to get to the airport! I experienced a sort of silent excitement. Like I want to jump, literally, but I was also scared of being home and the feeling that I may have betrayed your trust a little, leaving the way I did and you not fully understanding that until after I was gone. It makes me feel a little like death. That’s what daddy did. He left me before I fully accepted that he would. And it may sound dumb to anyone reading this, but that’s my truth. I don’t want to hurt you with my leaving. I was sure we would be fine but, I just was not sure at the same time. I was in-touch with Nanny and your dad to make sure they were on their way to come and get me and they were very ready. You slept well last night, so I guess we are well on our way to getting you to sleep properly now. I am so grateful.

Gogo dropped me off at the airport and I went to check in. I got all that admin out of the way, checked everything in and made my way to the boarding gate, just in time to board. There was a mom in the queue with a little baby girl, probably 2 or 3 months old. I couldn’t help but muse over these rookie mom traveling mistakes- I really need to write more. She had way too much to carry and I chuckled to myself about how I perfected the art of one backpack and one baby carrier, so that I am not stressed when we travel. In the meantime, here I was, a whole mother of a toddler. Travelling for the first time without her own baby. I was a little jealous of this mom- rookie mistakes and all.

I am settled on the plane now. Ready for the two hour flight back to you. I am so overly excited, I cannot actually contain my tears. I am crying because we did it, I am crying because I miss you but I am crying mostly because I cannot wait to see you when I get back. It has been 4 and a half days away from you, and honestly, that is enough. We do not need to do this again, I know we will, but we do not need to. I really hope you are excited when you see me, I am praying for that. We have a long day ahead already where we will be out and about and of course, I can’t wait to do it all with you.

I cannot wait to wrap my arms around you.

I love you madly,

Mom.

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