Time Apart Diary Day 4: Is This Still Necessary?

Iiiiiiiiit’s Friday! Finally. We are done with the AI Expo. That was fun. I am sad about it ending though, it makes me realise how much I really miss that scene. Attending and organising expo’s and conferences, just being out and gaining knowledge and insight from other people. I really miss contact with professionals, conversations about industries that I do not care to be a part of but am curious about. I think I need to get out more professionally, I am super slacking on myself.

Friday, September 6, 2019

I woke up at 5:30 today. I watched the sunrise outside on our balcony and struggled not to think about work. I just wanted to focus on me. I began my day as I always do. Giving thanks for our lives, God must be happy with me since you have been born, because I literally speak to him everyday- to be thankful for you. For us. I remember the miracle of you. I sat out there drinking tea. It was very crisp out, but I was so happy. Bron was up early to take advantage of the sunlight and our cute little spot- she is the boss of content creation under time constraint. I went and made more tea before I was roped into both of us taking pictures in the rising sun. I had a tonne of work to do, so my mind was not settled at all, I needed to be working by 9. So I went to get something done at 7, before 9. We showered and checked out of our place, and moved to our next location. Where I worked as people caught up. I feel disrespectful, but I am working… Also I knew that later in the afternoon we would be heading to Spier and I was excited about that. I nibbled on lunch with everyone else and kept going with my work. I wondered why I took an extra day in CT, I was tired. I was genuinely exhausted today.

Anyway, the sun started going down in the sky and Friday was nearing and end, so we had to get going to Spier. Everyone laughs at me because I am unable to put my laptop down. I worked in the car, even when we stopped to take pictures on the beach, my laptop was out and running. I am a mess, I am struggling to decide whether I am keeping my mind off you or actually throwing myself into work as another useless marker of my self esteem. Mambo, I am not sure who I am becoming. I need a little time to decide that, but I am beginning to think that’s partly why I need some time to myself- which this hasn’t really been, but it was close. I digress. I had a great time at Spier and went home to Gogo Marge.

It felt good to be home. We ate and talked and called you- as usual and then I said goodnight to Gogo. I want to call again, but I also want to sleep so that tomorrow comes quicker. I thought I would really enjoy this time away, and though I enjoyed much of it, I am still a little caught between being here and being home with you. I need you to know this Mambo. The one thing that I know I am good at and will defend at all costs is my being a mom to you. That’s why I don’t really care that people think I do too much or that I am obsessed with you. That’s my relationship with you. No one knows how you are I feel when we are twirling around and laughing endlessly, or when we are fighting because you slapped me. And it’s not for anyone to know. I genuinely DO NOT CARE when people have comments about my being too much, that’s just who I am as a mom and though I have my own purpose, I prayed hard for you, and you are a massive part of that purpose. I just want you to know.

Anyway, I thought I would have plans for tomorrow- but I don’t. I am going to take it easy and prepare myself to come home. We already have plans for when I get back, but I am super anxious to see you.

When you saw me with Gogo again on the phone this evening you did not seem too phased. I am sure you don’t miss me anymore and am told you slept through the night last night- AMAZING! You are growing while I am here and transitioning while I am away- bitter sweet.

I cant wait to see you tomorrow. Just one more sleep. I love you.

Mom.

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