If you know me, then you will know that I have never been away from Mambo for a full day. That is, until I had to go to Cape Town for work. This is my journey of separation from my child…
Tuesday, September 3, 2019.
I woke up early today because I still hadn’t packed. My boss confirmed last night that we are going to Cape Town for a few days to attend a conference. We scrambled in the office to get our lives together, and then, I rushed home. Even though I knew there was a high chance we would be going to Cape Town, I hadn’t really planned for it. I rushed home to be with you. I am anxious, and I know that going away will be good for me, especially to a beautiful place like Cape Town, but I have never been away from you.
Everyone finds it very hard to believe that in your full 2 years and 4.5 months, I have never spent a full night away from you. I guess I have just never been that mom. I also do not apologise, ever. I have always travelled with you and you have travelled with me. From the very first time we went to Mpumalanga and every trip after that.
Your dad took me to the airport- very late, and I was in the sky while you were at school. I have been trying to tell you that I am going away, but I don’t think you know what that really means. My flight was the strangest flight I have ever taken. The very first time you and I were on a plane together was to Tanzania, and I thought about that a lot today. How small you were, how empowered I felt to be traveling with you. To know that I was on the road to achieving my dream of you being a well seasoned traveller, and starting you young. I cried a little as I sipped my coffee.
I touched down and ran around to get office things sorted for our conference the next day and our accommodations. And got to the beautiful apartment I am sharing with Aunty Bronwyn. Gogo Marge was waiting there for me already- I knew she would be. I hope somewhere along the line I don’t corrupt you so much through whimsical adventures that you have no room to be as punctual as your grandmother. I was so relieved to see her there. I was not sure how ready I am for this trip, and to be alone just yet. We went for dinner at the V&A Waterfront and of course talked the whole way until she dropped me off.
I sorted out some admin handed over some keys. I called you and your dad again, to make sure you are ok. You are obviously fine. I am not.
Bronwyn arrived about an hour after that. We got some suuuuuper late night take out. Some wine and talked and laughed and then decided we were actually tired.
So, I am here now. In bed. My breasts are filling up quickly and mom told me at dinner not to express. I don’t plan to because this is also me trying to wean you off breastmilk. If I get home and you have forgotten about it, then great, and if not, we will continue our journey on this breastmilk until you are ready to ease off. I am lying in the dark, praying for you and thinking about you and wondering how you are.
I miss you terribly, my heart is literally aching, but I also know that this space will be good for us. At least that’s what they say- and what I really want to believe.
Good night my love.