Can mama get her groove back?

Yikes! That thought of leaving your baby at home, with whoever, and finally walking out the house with your hair done, heels making that clicketty- clack sound, your clutch firmly under your arm, car keys in hand…

The thought of doing it is easy. Getting it done however? Here is my story.

I wont lie. The year I turned 30 was epic. I was out from Monday to Monday, to the point where my friends referred to me as ‘A problem’, ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, ‘A Vampire’- the list goes on. You get the point. Yes. I was the person who would chuckle with her boss about how I didn’t know how to stop Partying and having fun, and I would be forever young and ‘How many bottles are in that bucket?’. Answer: A lot. Wow. I remember reaching crazy peaks where I walked into the office with shades and a big smoothie from Kauai, with the ‘Do not talk to me- yet’ face. Completely out of character. I struggled that day…

It feels like so long ago. 

The truth is, it was 3.5 years ago. Mambo is 2 now and I still have never left her over night. Not once. I do not really intend to, to be honest- and that is my own prerogative, of course. And because I write to empower myself and other readers, you will all accept that that is ok, because there is no right or wrong. Right? Right.

As I write this Mambo, you are comfortably lying on my arm watching ‘Doo-doo’ (YouTube) and occasionally coming up for milk- that’s right, we are still at it! I am trying to write because I have so much backlog on this blog- it’s insane! You are also here knowing that I am not going anywhere. I absolutely love that feeling. I also really miss going out though, and I am struggling with what that looks like right now. I am not sure I have that answer yet.

I know I have finally outgrown the party Sunday to Sunday life. I also know I will not last until 6am on a night out. I also know that when I get home at 1 or 2 am, you will have given whoever is home taking care of you, a real run for their money when you wake up for ‘tata’.

I hope I figure it all out sometime, so I can finally go out without ‘mom guilt’ or feeling tired, or a lack of trust that anyone other than myself can take care of you.

I also, really have no answer for any of this. So, when I do have answers I will update you.

I love you madly,


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