Yikes! That thought of leaving your baby at home, with whoever, and finally walking out the house with your hair done, heels making that clicketty- clack sound, your clutch firmly under your arm, car keys in hand…
The thought of doing it is easy. Getting it done however? Here is my story.
I wont lie. The year I turned 30 was epic. I was out from Monday to Monday, to the point where my friends referred to me as ‘A problem’, ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, ‘A Vampire’- the list goes on. You get the point. Yes. I was the person who would chuckle with her boss about how I didn’t know how to stop Partying and having fun, and I would be forever young and ‘How many bottles are in that bucket?’. Answer: A lot. Wow. I remember reaching crazy peaks where I walked into the office with shades and a big smoothie from Kauai, with the ‘Do not talk to me- yet’ face. Completely out of character. I struggled that day…
It feels like so long ago.
The truth is, it was 3.5 years ago. Mambo is 2 now and I still have never left her over night. Not once. I do not really intend to, to be honest- and that is my own prerogative, of course. And because I write to empower myself and other readers, you will all accept that that is ok, because there is no right or wrong. Right? Right.
As I write this Mambo, you are comfortably lying on my arm watching ‘Doo-doo’ (YouTube) and occasionally coming up for milk- that’s right, we are still at it! I am trying to write because I have so much backlog on this blog- it’s insane! You are also here knowing that I am not going anywhere. I absolutely love that feeling. I also really miss going out though, and I am struggling with what that looks like right now. I am not sure I have that answer yet.
I know I have finally outgrown the party Sunday to Sunday life. I also know I will not last until 6am on a night out. I also know that when I get home at 1 or 2 am, you will have given whoever is home taking care of you, a real run for their money when you wake up for ‘tata’.
I hope I figure it all out sometime, so I can finally go out without ‘mom guilt’ or feeling tired, or a lack of trust that anyone other than myself can take care of you.
I also, really have no answer for any of this. So, when I do have answers I will update you.
I love you madly,