I am feeling sick, but I am still mom…

Mama’s how many times do you have to get onto your feet to get your child breakfast, roll over in the middle of the night to breast feed, wake up to get your child to school. And how many times have you had to do this sick?

Dear Mambo,

I have had to do the above list of things and way more, while sick. Not because your dad is incapable, he can do all those things for you. It’s more for you. You prefer to have your mom do things and though it’s flattering, it is tiring. I can say it is an honor? But the truth is, it is painful.

Mom’s know it is worth it, in the end it always is. Worth it I mean. Giving of yourself to be sure that your offspring, the heart that beats outside your body, is taken care of. To be sure that your baby, who doesn’t know much more than that ‘mommy needs to do it’, gets what they need. But in that moment Mambo, I will not lie, it feels like punishment. It feels like dads were really just created for decoration. The worst is, he is there, willing, wanting to feed you and bath you and play with you, then you scream when he is taking you away. Sometimes it’s easy, most times it’s not. I am personally trying to figure out how I am going to get you to ask your dad for more, even though I know I will still wake up and make your cereal.

Because, Mambo, see. I know that in the future, your needs will be more complicated. I know that when you can make your own cereal, you may want to be taken to an obstacle course, and daddy doesn’t do obstacle courses. And when you can take yourself to the obstacle course and make your own cereal, you will need to be taken to a first date. And when you can take yourself to your own dates and take yourself to obstacle courses and make your own cereal, you may need to make career decisions, or figure out whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, or experience loss, like death. Whether I am sick or not, I will need to be mom. I will need to show up and be present.

I am not saying dad’s are not there and don’t do these things, God knows your dad is a definite rock (mine is too), I am saying that I know that waking up through the night while I am sick is the tip of the iceberg, and though you are worth every minute of it, they are not my favorite moments. I love it when I look back, but I am exhausted when I am going through it.

All this being said, you will know when you read this, that I will do it over, and over, and over… and over. For you.

I love you with everything,

Mom

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s