When Another Mother’s Attitude Seeps Into Your Home

So. M knows that we shake our head when we disapprove. We have said’No’ to her, in various ways, but we always shake our heads. Smiling or stern, she knows what ‘No’ means.

Recently she started saying ‘No’, she had never said the word, but would shake her head to communicate ‘No’ and at some point started saying ‘Uh-uh’ to further communicate her unwillingness to to something.

Dear Mambo,

Here is your story of ‘No’.

I picked you up on Wednesday, the 16th of January and headed home. Normal. We sat on the couch and began to chat as usual. I asked the general questions, ‘Did you eat at school?’, ‘Did you play at school?’ and when I asked yes or no, you let out a very confident ‘No!’ But that was not all. You emphasized your point by sticking your 3cm index finger out- and into my face. My face.

Lord!

I was shocked. And not the good kind. Obviously, I am supermom, so I told you in between a shocked laugh and a ‘you-will-never’ laugh that we do not point our fingers at people. I even mustered up energy and laughed it off with your dad when I recounted how you offered yourself up for sacrifice.

I know, you did not learn that from any of your family though, so it can only be school.

I spoke with your Mama Audrey about it over that weekend and even had to demonstrate on her how it went, and funny as it was, she was shook. In the hopes that it would go away, I decided to not say ‘No’ to you for a few days. Though, I told Audrey, that I would be going to the school to ask where the heck all of this was coming from, because if it continued, I didn’t know how the Lord would save you from the wrath of your mommy.

I was at work early on Monday, so daddy took you to school and he picked you up because he got home earlier than me. So on Tuesday, I decided last minute to take you, so I could ask your teacher what was going on.

I love your teacher, she is very mild mannered and you cling to her when I leave, I can tell that you like her too. Perhaps it is because you cling to her that I am comfortable with her… I digress.

I asked her where you got this ‘No’ from. Immediately, two of the other girls in your class repeated after me… And shook their little fingers in my direction!

Oh. Wow!

Ok Mambo. So these kids repeat and I am flabbergasted. Truly. Saddened almost, by this show of such blatant disrespect. Your teacher then tells me which child it originated from, and now your teacher and I suspect that a parent is talking to their daughter in this manner. Your teacher is quite certain it is this little girls mom, and teacher is trying the best she can to reverse this behavior.

Mama’s here is the part I need help with-

I don’t judge people on their parenting, but I do believe in principles of respect, and some things are completely not acceptable. Like my child wagging her baby digit in my face. So. My first instinct is to write a letter to the school and ask them to write to parents to NOT teach their kids this weird, disrespectful behavior. My other first instinct ( I am a mom, my POA can be everything all at once. I reserve the right. Unapologetically) is to write directly to the parent, through the school and tell them that their behavior is literally, directly affecting our children. They talk to their child like that, and now we must endure it in our homes? Already in my mommy brain, I have labelled this child a bully, because this has all the makings of a bully. No jokes. I am angry.

For the sake of peace, I may not go full on aggro on these parents, but for Christ’s sake, I really wish people would be more diligent with what they teach their children!

Anyway, I love you Mambo, but… Get your finger out my face child!

Love,

MamaMambo

Ps. Mambo, I continuously pray that you are delivered from this spirit of disrespect. 😂

Ps. If you are a parent reading this, please always be aware that your own family is not the end point for your child’s interaction. Please be conscious that other kids pick up your negative behaviors through your kids. Be mindful. You may not care when you read this, and I ask you to put your ego aside, and just respect us. In the words of Mmamathe Makhekhe- Mokhuane ‘Can you give me protection from yourself’.

Thank you.

8 Comments

  1. This is why we need conscious schools; where we know the education is beneficial and children are being raised in families that appreciate conscious and awareness. Parents who understand we program our children. & deliberately raising children filled with light & love. My kids aren’t going to traditional school. Im hoping for a woke school or having to start one!

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  2. Sadly (realistically though), Mambo is now experiencing a taste of the real world where we get hit by all kinds of stimuli. It’s near impossible to protect a child from all that the world will through at them. What’s important i’ d say at this stage, is for a parent to impart as much ‘home schooling’ they can master. It’s been said that we can not control what happens to us but we can control how we react to what happens to us. In my ‘un-authoritative’ view I’d say the work cut out is to nurture Mambo in a way where she can respond to certain influences/stimuli in a way that’s as close to home as possible. Otherwise there’s little that can be done to avoid the big and subtle influences that she faces from now going forward. You’re being a spectacular mom by taking keen note of her behavior right now. What’s more important in my view is equipping Mambo with lessons that help her form a character that helps her respond ‘favorably’ to potential negative stimuli/influences.

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  3. You’re doing amazing mom! I have two small ones, one in primary school and the other in preschool. Every now and then we get situations like the one you’ve written about. My two cents is that try teach Mambo what is acceptable from home as best as you can. I wouldn’t advise writing to the parents of the problematic child as I feel it would create animosity. Our kids spend a lot of time in school and there will be many situations like this. The best we can do while our children are with us is instill our values and teach them proper manners and conduct. Mommy doesn’t like it when you point your fingers at her. She’s young, she will learn. Thing is in every class and school she will attend she will mix with different kids ago come from different homes. Those kids parents have personalities and lifestyles vastly different from your own. But I believe we can teach our kids how we want them to behave.

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    1. I do agree with that the best we can do is teach them our ways, we have to, and also, it is their choice how they end up. We have tried telling Mambo that what she is doing is not right, she still thinks it’s a game though. I believe the more we repeat it, the more she will know. I have also noticed that over the last few days, she doesn’t wag her finger as much anymore. This was angering, but also so funny and the same time, and also a growth moment! Isn’t that parenthood in general? 🙂

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  4. I’m glad the teacher is involved and picked up on the origin of the behavior. With that said unfortunately there is not much you can do in terms of the child ( writing letters etc might work or might work against you, because sad to say some humans might take it personal) but you can continue to instill value in your child’s life. Mambo is at that sponge age and there are going to be many behaviors she will imitate but as long as you nip them in the bud you are all set mama.

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    1. Here’s to nipping in the bud!!! I have not written any letters, mostly because my gut tells me this parent will likely be offended. In the same vein, I also want to protect my child from all this- the mothering instinct is very strong in me I am afraid. I am even looking forward to the primary school adventures at this stage! What will I be then?

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