Everyone asked when I was having children and even now that you are there, they want to know when I will have another child. I have barely gotten the hang of raising you, I cannot even think about another little person!
I was inspired by a very brief conversation with Kundai on Instgram for this post. She was broody, I told her not to be broody and to wait to have kids; and she then posted on my next picture that she wanted our life. I had nothing for her after that.
Man. I love our life.
So. The reason I said ‘wait’ was this.
I am glad I waited, I was done with the amazing life of partying and spending money frivolously and being stupid with my money (never my life, I have loved my life). I was done with letting people into my life who did not deserve me. I was finished with all the Monday- to- Monday partying and showing up at work- literally- in sunglasses and Advil. I was done. I was finally out of my parents house, and even though I still did not have all the answers, I had worked on myself in ways that made me proud to be me. I knew me. I was therefore ready to know you.
Why I cannot deny, Mambo, that Kundai had a point is this.
I have had to figure a lot of things out being a mom. Your dad has had to do the same. Our lives changed for ever, and though it has been a phenomenal change, I cannot lie and say it has been easy.
There are subtle changes like staying home more and being aware of our time and how we spend it. There are major changes like changing my outlook on life, working on my spirit, working on being a great mom and at the same time, your dad and I learning and continuing to be great partners to one another. We have to be sure that we constantly speak happiness and success into your life and that we can always pay our bills because you will need school fees and great food and trips to amazing exotic places.
With all that being said…
I simply cannot deny that seeing your face every day, makes my life worth every hardship, frustration, good day and bad day that I have to overcome to make it home to you at the end of the day.
I cannot deny that when I hear your little feet, pitter- pattering down the corridor towards our room, that no matter how tired I am, I breath a series of breaths of joyous celebrations that I can hear every little pitter, and every little patter.
I will not deny that every time I sit to do your hair, I am so grateful that I will hear your unnecessary cry because you hate hair day, but I know you will thank me one day for making sure your hair was well taken care of and healthy.
I am in no denial that every single time, I say ‘Goodnight’, and ‘I love you’, no matter how long you have been crying from your fatigue, or laughing at YouTube videos, or how upset you are because you do not want to sleep; that you will lean over and kiss me to tell me that you love me too.
Jesus, I am so grateful to be your mom. I have celebrated every breath you have taken since you were born and I will continue to do so until I am no more.
Know that there is nothing more important to me than being your mother- the one you can tell anything to and can love unconditionally, that I am here for every Instagram picture and every laugh and tear. I will love you with everything I can love with.
I want to thank Kundi for pointing this out to me in such a subtle way that was more about her than me. The truth is, we find inspiration in the weirdest places. And Kundi, if you read this, I truly hope that one day you can have what Mambo and I have, and now that I know, I am putting it out for you, because you are so worthy.