Child birth. What a whirlwind of any and every emotion possible. After 9 months of patiently, or impatiently waiting, finally birth comes and all your hopes and fears come to the fore. Dear Mambo, you should know that I found my faith, because you.
I grew up in a semi- Christian home. I say semi because dad was not much of a church goer, mom however was a daughter to preachers (both of whom were also teachers), and mom always seemed more into the Christianity than dad. Daddy did however hum hymns and pray and read his bible, he just did not believe in the open show, and was never a fan of overly boisterous church displays.
Uncle Kudzi and I were both baptized, but as we grow, we learn and know different things and our paths change. I know mine certainly did. I want to share with you how you changed my life forever.
The day you were born, I had been in a panicked state, and one of prayer for 12 hours. You had stopped moving completely and I was not sure what was going on. The end result was that we went into the emergency room and THAT really scared me. It is one thing to know you have been pregnant and to follow all the steps to be safe, it’s another thing entirely to know that in a matter of minutes, your baby will be here, with you, in your arms and not in your belly!
The minute I heard your first cry, the only thing I could think was ‘Thank God’. I prayed and prayed through my tears that you had been delivered whole- ten fingers, ten toes, because I was very aware that God giveth, and God taketh away and whatever we had seen on that screen during all of our visits with our most awesome OBGYN, could instantly disappear. What followed when I felt your warm body on my chest and face was more than gratitude, it was a celebration. Mambo, you moved me beyond a state of gratitude, I am now constantly in a state of celebration. Many know me, and know I celebrate everything love and life bring forth, but those who know me well, have most certainly seen that my life is a celebration- more so with you here, with me.
To back track, when we found out we were having you, your dad and I were ready. We wanted you- though you came a lot earlier than expected, and this was my first step in faith. To know that I can make a plan, and just because the timing had moved forward, I was ready, my body would be ready, I would do my best, and God would do the rest. God and all my angels became my confidants, because so needed so much to know we would be fine. We found our doctor- who I also prayed about, and was answered with a most wonderful woman who probably doesn’t know it, but was an absolute rock.
I do not remember a time in my life where knowledge of self, God, my ancestors and our family and friends would be more of use. I spent hours on end in meditation, communication and thought to ready myself. I cut off countless negative forces to build myself and protect the soul whose body was growing inside me. I do not regret it for a second because the process of pregnancy strengthened my spiritual self in a way I could never imagine. The only thing I can compare it with is death, which I experienced a year after you were born when your grandfather joined the very ancestors I spoke to so often when you were in my tummy. Spirituality is a test, always, and we celebrate. To carry a baby and give birth is a test, like death of a father is a test- we celebrate. Giving birth is something that only you and I could have done together, on that day, at that time, our spirits worked together so that we could be, and I celebrate our spiritual tag team, because we made it happen. Your spirit, and mine.
I think it is important to know where we come from and to be grateful for it, but I have journeyed beyond this. From the minute you smile at my face when you are trying to wake up and we can start the day with a cuddle and some kisses, to when we are fussing at each other at bedtime because you want to sleep, but still do not quite know how- I celebrate every minute that I have with you because I am aware that God could have changed this forever. I am beyond grateful, I celebrate.
I took it upon myself to teach you the joys of celebrating yourself because though I want you to understand gratitude, I would like for you to know that you are worthy of celebration- through all the days of our long journey together. I no longer just thank God for you, I thank God that we are able to celebrate you. I cry as I write this post because Mambo, it was such a pivotal turning point in my life to understand that life was a celebration, and it was through you that I discovered this. That my faith is really celebration.
At this time in your journey, you are one of the most active and friendly babies I have known. You can be shy, but you warm up very quickly (like me, and I totally love it). You make your presence felt in many ways and all those around you feel how happy you are and share it with us. My wish for you is that you know what to be grateful for, discard what is unnecessary and negative, and celebrate everything else to the fullest, the way we celebrate you. Entirely.
I love you,