A letter to involved Daddy

63607914283190965235575175_635695430104575257-1478017972_letterHi there, Daddy,

Firstly, you are doing a fantastic job of being here for night feeds and helping with the cooking and cleaning. Thank you for all the backrubs and the necessary ice cream in the middle of the night when I needed it and all the support you gave during our pregnancy. You rock! And Daddy, if you are not here for me, then this is especially for you because that means you think that this is a one woman show, keep reading.

Daddy, listen, it is very important that you pay close attention to what I am about to write to you because this will be of paramount importance going forward.

I have lost my body for a little while. I am not the same person I was when you met me- physically. It is very important that you remind me that I am still beautiful- because sometimes I don’t remember that, or I completely forget to think about it. Now that I am a mom my priority is simple- do not kill the baby. That’s it. All else fell away the moment our baby cried for the first time. In time, I may regain my body, but understand, it has undergone transformation. Please love it the way you used to, she needs love, a more mature kind of love.

I may not be as active with you or attentive to your needs as I was before because I need to share my time with our child too now. You are very important to me Daddy, but so is our baby. I would appreciate if you did not shy away from our time, spend it with us and let us all be a family. Let us all do this life thing together. I know you are tired, so am I- and we need each other now more than ever, so if I need a quick nap, please do not be upset, let me nap, it’s been a long night, and a long day. If I need to zone out, please allow me to, I am probably tired from thinking a hundred thousand things at a time and my brain needs rest. If you need a sandwich, and you can make it yourself, then please go ahead, and make one for me too- thanks.

I only have two hands, please help me with yours. Just like Batman did Robin, this Superwoman needs a helping hand, that person who has her back- that person, is you. I am so grateful to be going through this journey with you! Now, please, led me your hands too.

It is better if you offer before I ask. I know it looks like I want to do everything myself, but that’s not true, at all. Most times I am cursing you under my breath because you are not helping, and I am running myself into the ground with exhaustion, and you are probably sitting on the couch looking at me proudly thinking I have it all together- I don’t. Please know that by the time I ask, it is too late, I am already thinking you are useless for watching me and doing nothing. Feed the baby, wash the baby, dress the baby, sing to the baby, read to the baby- without me having to ask.

I know that the gym and your football or basketball practice is important to you, remember, there are things important to me too. As much time as you need to go out and do the things you love, is as much time as I need to do the same. Just always remember that- for our future together.

I know we have a helper looking after our baby when we are not here, but please do not use that as an excuse to never see your baby. It is very good practice to say good morning to our child and say goodnight to her too. To be a father and take her through all the steps of growing up. To stay home with her from time to time, even though she has someone taking care of her.

I would not mind eating dinner made by you from time to time. You work, and so do I- we are both tired, and we both need to eat… How about you take over that duty tonight? I have been dying for that world famous egg on toast or awesome bbq you do so well.

Daddy, I am a housewife, that does not mean I sit at home all day and watch tv while occasionally taking care of our baby. That means I make sure our home looks the way we would like it to and I do not really get paid for it. I am also exhausted when you are, and am also, more often than not, dying for an adult conversation. There is no harm in asking mom to come over and going out for dinner on a school night so that we can see each other and have a couple of hours to ourselves to reconnect- without us having to cook and continue to be stuck in our evening routines. We are parents now, that’s all.

Daddy, I love your friends, I love mine too. Our time has become very important to us now, more than before because we have new responsibilities. I know you want to party with your friends every weekend like you used to. Consider this: Every time you do this, you take away an entire day of our child getting to know you as her caretaker. I want to do this too. I want to live my life the way it was too, but if we both do this, then who will the baby have? consider me. Consider us. And if I am the one who is continuously going out and leaving you at home, please remind me to make the same considerations for you. Family time is important for us. We should all try our best to give each other the most so that we are always happy as a unit- and then make time for our loved ones.

I want you to know all these things I have said are for our greater good, for you as much as they are for me, and our child. We made this decision together, and whether we live together or not, are married or not, we owe it to ourselves and each other to have a wonderful environment for our baby, don’t you think? And if we both try, we both win.

I want you to know that I appreciate your presence, as much as you appreciate mine, I would just like us to show each other how much we appreciate it now.

I love you,

Mommy

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